Do you ever find yourself in a circumstance where you have wait while you trust God to come through? I have, many times. And I’ve found that, to the best of my memory, God comes through in the moment after I give up waiting patiently. You know the situation:
It’s the 1st of the month. You have this bill due on the 15th, but you don’t have enough money to cover it, and you don’t get paid until the 17th. You could see if you could borrow it from family or friends, but it just doesn’t feel right. You know God’s going to cover this one, you just have to wait.
When I’m in that situation, I can stay reasonably calm and trusting. Until the 14th. Then I’m antsy. I mean, I like to be prompt and on time, early even. So I’d kind of like it if God would return the favor. You know, He could provide the money a few days ahead of when I need it. That isn’t any less miraculous then the day of.
This latest time of waiting while trusting God (I was going to say this last time, but I know it’s far from the last time!), I was in the middle of a phone call to arrange under my own ability for the provision I was waiting on—in the middle of the phone call!—when the provision came.
At this point my emotions are usually gratitude, overshadowed by disappointment in myself for failing to trust yet again. This time, however, I stopped. It occurred to me (thank you Holy Spirit) that beating myself up for not trusting sound an awful lot like condemnation. Maybe, instead of failing, I’m actually growing. Because, part of the beating myself up internal conversation is that I never seem to be able to wait long enough, even though I seem to wait longer and longer each time.
So I’m coming to believe that I’m not failing. Instead, I living in grace more and more and am growing in trust. Along the journey I can rest in Jesus’ great love for me and patience with me. He is not disappointed in me, but excited with each step forward. And that is a beautiful place to be.