Update!

Foul was my last post.  Just an update:  I haven’t been in a foul mood all this time. 

Fear is a terrible motivator.

But fear is an incredible immobilator. 

Last August I resolved to, with the help of the Holy Spirit, reexamine my decisions or convictions as they came up.  If I discovered that my decisions or actions were based out of fear, I would have to confront that.  It may be that I would come to the same decisions or convictions, but it must not be because of fear. 

As it turns out, fear is like an invasive species—really pervasive, hidden, and difficult to root out.

It’s time to weed.

Hey, it's almost May the Fourth.

 photo credit: Jim Bauer via photopin cc

The Wisdom of Joy

I’m going in about six different directions tonight, with four different ideas that squirmingly won’t sit still and two poems dancing tantalizingly out of my reach. 

This is what I love.  This is what gets me jazzed up.  Pondering ideas.  Mulling them over.  The random, goofy loose association, that often connects things in profound ways.  Joy for joy’s sake can be profound.  But it must be allowed to just be.  Just enjoy joy in the moment.  Do not demand wisdom from it.  Joy will birth wisdom when she so desires.  Joy is a gift, and joy delights in giving gifts.  Freely receive.  Do not require.  Approach joy seeking meaning, purpose, direction, and she flees.  She demands to be enjoyed for herself, and herself alone.  Gifts are gifts, free gifts, no strings attached, but cannot be expected or demanded.  Revel in joy for joy’s sake.  They say laughter is the best medicine.  But if you seek medicine first, laughter is reticent to approach. 

I have always wanted To Know and To Understand.  I sought out wisdom with all seriousness.  I remember a time in junior high on the school bus going home.  Two friends that I'd know since kindergarten, were trying to get me to be nonsensical.  To say something without meaning, an absurdity.  Even as simple as “the snow is green.”  But I could not see the point, and I would not.  It almost went beyond volition—I’m not sure that I even could.  I held on to the quest To Know with such a grip that no silliness could be allowed. 

Somehow along the way, my hands were relaxed.  My grip loosened.  I let go of control.  I was taught to release, relax, and to trust.  Grace is gentle and stubborn like that.  Gentle enough to not break the fragile, earnest yearning.  Yet stubborn enough to persist through all defenses.   

And I so enjoy that. 

photo credit: GlacierTim via photopin cc

To Blog or Not to Blog

That is the question.  Whether ‘tis nobler . . .

I’ve had a flood of ideas lately.  It’s a rush, really.  Taking an idea and flipping it over to see what’s on the other side.  To have a passage, three words even, of scripture jump out and tackle you, so that you end up wrestling with it across pages of both testaments, concordances, lexicons, to emerge three hours later, tired but invigorated.  To have a song on the radio get stuck in your head, so that you look up the video on YouTube, and get so captivated—even though it relates to nothing in your experience—you watch it five times in a row, and feel you could write a paper picking it apart.

If I have any addictions, truly it is thinking.  But addictions are generally negative things, especially when done alone, in isolation, in secret.  They need to be brought out in the open, exposed to the light, and the warmth of community.  Then, then the redemptive elements are found, shared.

That was overly dramatic, but if that’s the wave of the moment, I’ll ride it.  Whether enjoying the ride or enduring it, both are best done loosely and at rest. 

So I have this blog, and its purpose is to share what I find along the way.   Your niece may give you twenty-seven rocks and shells she picked up along the shore—her treasures—but you can’t tell the difference between any of them.  You indulge her, holding them for her in your pockets, until you can politely put them down. 

I propose we both see my blog that way.  But that means I need to share what I’m thinking, and not worry that I’m going to spoil it by writing it out.  I’m a recovering perfectionist, and I still have my lapses.  More often than not, if I don’t have five hours of uninterrupted quiet, where I am completely un-fatigued by a work day—I won’t write.  Which means I effectively haven’t written in two months.  And I’ve been aiming for once a week!  So I’ll push myself past that perfectionist block and write more.  And if you wouldn’t mind, could you hold this rock of mine, and put it down when I’m not looking? 

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The video I mentioned is below.  If I come to the pop culture table at all, it’s usually late.  This is “Somebody That I Use To Know” by Gotye.  At the risk of sounding like an emo high schooler, I find the combination of song and video intriguing.  The story is conveyed very compellingly, even to someone who can’t relate with the story. 

(Don’t worry, it’s safe to watch.  It’s not going to go where you think it’s going to go.)

Happy Birthday to Me!

Consider this post your birthday party goodie bag, filled with random bits of fun stuff, not really connected at all.

 Today I turn thirty-three.  Which is how old Jesus was when He started His work.  So I should probably get busy now.  :o)

One of my favorite non-main Star Trek characters is Lwaxana Troi.  She is quite eccentric and has this really impressive string of official titles.  She is Lwaxana Troi, Daughter of the Fifth House of Betazed, the Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, and Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed.  Along the theme of names, titles are that by which one is known.  I've been feeling like in this last season of my life, Jesus has been expanding my titles:

Sarah, Princess, Dear One,
Bat-Melek, Daughter of the King,
a Woman Unashamed.

I do in fact intend to blog more regularly.  I've been shooting for one a week, but hitting one a month.  As a birthday is a new start (like New Years), I'm going to be diving back in to blogging with renewed intentionally.  So stay tuned!

I've been tweeting one "Random thing for which I am #thankful" each day.  You can follow me on Twitter @Batmelek.  If you've missed it, let me get you caught up:

Random things for which I am #thankful:
—good headphones and music recorded in stereo.
—bosses who have and show compassion for their employees.
—salmon and hazelnuts!
—straight up blue, (the color of the sky directly above you on a clear day), and its memories.
—the resiliency of two year olds!
—rocking out to @Superchick !
—Tuba! #Tuba #Tuba #Tuba #yesalwayscapitalized #showrespect
—that I am not a Vulcan. (Though Vulcans are still cool. LLAP)
—Stewie’s unbridled enthusiasm when I pick up his leash.
—analogy and metaphor, and their cousin parable.
—the smell of rice cooking.  

And lastly, a picture of my parents and me.

I'm off to eat my birthday tomato soup cake, catch you next week!

Dogs and Fences

I didn't finish the blog post I was planning for today.  Here's why:

Meet my dog Stewie.  I got him from the pound, and they told me he was a black lab mix.  I'm guessing he's mixed with kangaroo, because he jumped my SIX FOOT HIGH fence a record four times this week!  (He also jumped the fence at the dog park twice, but he came back on his own in under two minutes each time.)  So this week I've spent a lot more time than I planned with my dog, the farm store, and my fence. 

I'm thinking about putting up an electric fence, but they are a.) costly and b.) complicated.  So while I weigh the pros and cons and feasibility, I'm putting about 18 inches of chicken wire on the top of my fence, all the way around (oh boy, won't my neighbors love me!).  I've been playing the proverbial whack-a-mole, putting chicken wire up in places where he has succeeded or tried jumping.  So I'm cutting to the chase and putting it up everywhere--and praying he doesn't figure out how to dig under the fence!

While I'm finishing the full implementation of the Stewie Containment System©, Stewie is always on the leash or tie out.  He's really pathetic on the tie out, just sitting at the end of it, looking at me pleadingly, with those big brown eyes.  I have to say, "No! You can't pull the cute card on me! This is for your own health and safety!"

While I was wrestling with the bamboo, chicken wire, and staple gun, thinking I should have grabbed my safety goggles so my eyes don't get poked out, it is interesting what verse popped in my head.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
   I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding,
   which must be curbed with bit and bridle,
   or it will not stay near you.
Psalm 32:8-9

In response to this verse, I think, "Exactly! If only Stewie would stay put, or learn to come when called, we could be out walking and playing, instead of me bleeding from bamboo splinters and chicken wire pokes.  Hmm, when was my last tetanus shot, anyway?"  Then I remember this is a psalm of David, not Dr. Doolittle, and it's addressed to me, not Stewie.  And I think, "Ouch," and not (only) because of splinters.  The horse and mule is without understanding, but it is implied that I am to have understanding.  What fences, what heavy handed hemming in of circumstance, do I try to escape?  How much more fun could God and I have if I yielded sooner?  Hmm.  I'll let you know how Stewie does with his fences, as I ponder how I'm doing with mine.

Mondays and Bodies

My goal is to have a substantive blog post up each Monday. I've been working on a blog post, but it's not coming together. Had I started working on it, say, before ten pm Monday night, it probably would have been ready, but oh well. Instead, here is someone else saying something substantive:

"The divine Architect designed our male and female bodies in the very lines and curves of our flesh and bones to proclaim the mystery of Christ and his life-giving union with the Church. This, ultimately, whether we realize it or not, is why we are drawn to the human body--why we are deeply stirred by the mystery of it's masculine and feminine beauty and why we yearn for intimacy and communion."

--Christopher West, "The Theology of the Body Explained: a Commentary on John Paul II's Gospel of the Body", p8

As always, please feel free to share your thoughts.