I’m going in about six different directions tonight, with four different ideas that squirmingly won’t sit still and two poems dancing tantalizingly out of my reach.
This is what I love. This is what gets me jazzed up. Pondering ideas. Mulling them over. The random, goofy loose association, that often connects things in profound ways. Joy for joy’s sake can be profound. But it must be allowed to just be. Just enjoy joy in the moment. Do not demand wisdom from it. Joy will birth wisdom when she so desires. Joy is a gift, and joy delights in giving gifts. Freely receive. Do not require. Approach joy seeking meaning, purpose, direction, and she flees. She demands to be enjoyed for herself, and herself alone. Gifts are gifts, free gifts, no strings attached, but cannot be expected or demanded. Revel in joy for joy’s sake. They say laughter is the best medicine. But if you seek medicine first, laughter is reticent to approach.
I have always wanted To Know and To Understand. I sought out wisdom with all seriousness. I remember a time in junior high on the school bus going home. Two friends that I'd know since kindergarten, were trying to get me to be nonsensical. To say something without meaning, an absurdity. Even as simple as “the snow is green.” But I could not see the point, and I would not. It almost went beyond volition—I’m not sure that I even could. I held on to the quest To Know with such a grip that no silliness could be allowed.
Somehow along the way, my hands were relaxed. My grip loosened. I let go of control. I was taught to release, relax, and to trust. Grace is gentle and stubborn like that. Gentle enough to not break the fragile, earnest yearning. Yet stubborn enough to persist through all defenses.
And I so enjoy that.
photo credit: GlacierTim via photopin cc